Questions to ask someone new you are dating

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Can it be said that asking questions is what keeps us honest, drives us to aim higher—and is the very thing that makes us human? I don't care whether you're a shock jock or the president of the tacky Christmas sweater club: There's always going to be someone whose love, attention and respect you're courting.

So I'll just give you the honest answer: Yes, I have often cared too much.

And in times of both euphoria and despair, there's no one I would rather have at my side than my husband.

Not only because he knows how to celebrate and to comfort, but also because, without him, no joy or sorrow would have meaning.

We've lost a mother and a father between us; we've lived in six cities, worked countless jobs, survived autoimmune disease and smoking cessation.

We've lost six pregnancies and given birth to a son.

And in the end, who cares about being anything else?

—Elissa Schappell, the author of the story collection Blueprints for Building Better Girls (Simon & Schuster). The meaning is something like "intended": the person who was meant for you.

Have we established that questions are marvelous, momentous things?If so, can we agree that asking ourselves the right ones can have life-altering effects? If I answer, "No, I don't care what people think," I risk seeming arrogant.Because have you ever noticed how questions prevent us from settling for less than we deserve? " is a great way to make things, well, a whole lot better? But if I answer, "Yes, I care too much about what people think," I risk seeming spineless.It's been 20 years since I met my husband and 14 since we were married.In that time we've navigated uneven success, unforeseen disappointments, moments of shameful pride.

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